psychoanorexia (2012)
the aftermath of silence (18.09)
a) event horizon sunset
b) the last day of summer
c) the stone-white sky

kryptonite monologues (20.46)
a) breakfast cataclysm
b) borrowed time
c) the end of a world

the irrelevant lovesong (8.09)

psychoanorexia (19.29)
a) bedhalf exiles
b) the stand

music and lyrics by t
all voices and instruments performed by t
mixed by t
engineered, recorded and produced by t at black box studios
mastered by jürgen lusky at hofa studios
artwork and photography by katia tangian
thank you to katia, dominik, felix, ali, marius, verena
thank you, too, to jürgen for enthusiam and knowhow

"This is the time when ringtone applicability equals musical quality. This is the place where the greed of being a popstar has replaced the sublime experience of creativity. This is the era in which democracy means mass phenomena, not choices. When we have become too lazy even for subterfuges. And too busy to feel the loss.
This is the age when equality means mediocrity, fame defames excellence, education encourages despondency.
We excel in conformity, we celebrate our empty hands.
We may not burn books, but we skim them. We may not slaughter heretics', but we overshout them.
We strive, long, hunger for nothing,
thus nobody strive, long, hunger.

Fascistic, yet aimless aposiopetic selves.
Timetabled freedom. Death in Bologna.


lyrics (2010-2012):

The Aftermath of Silence

b) The Last Day of Summer

So this is the day
A sky too blue
The sunbeams too frail
Too trim to be true
Time disguised as clocks so weary
With paving paths beyond our past
With cancelled lives and charcoal holographs

Calling back our epic memories
Instant traditions to go
Molding lifelines in our open hands
So deeply bruised
We were the coughs in our own breaths
A smile subdued by the light of the night
A twinkle to bright
A glimpse of the wild
Two stories unite in a poet's moon

(So this is the day... the sky too blue)

So I'd remind you of your promise
We would sail the seven seas
To look for all we had to find
If only I could hold your hand
To say the least you did forget me
To wake no more and dream of dreams

c) The Stone-White Sky

Stolen from the crowd of people to gut, chew and spit out
The hint of a smile that screams and shouts the scent of your name
Hoping for coma to justify daydreams
Luring me to catatonic rewards
Cancel my lifetime and interrupt heartbeats
Gazing like crows at the stone-white sky

I'll take you there

Drifting through backshifts of coffee-pad mornings
Like knights at the table with kitchen-sink charms
Hopeful as humdrum and whitebread allegiance
Enactment devotions and scheduled alarms
Renaissance of pathos, rebirth of a scar
Blocking all plans like a door left ajar
Cardiograph passions and fastfood appointments
Dangling like clouds in a stone-white sky

I'll take you there

So we stand in shame and dream of sleep
Faces like the sun shines upside down
While the skyline crumbles in defeat
Curtain calls for Wednesday mornings
Carcrash gawkers rubbernecking speed
Chased our tails forever until now

In the house where you lived all that reverie sniffs
From my thoughtscape delivery and my redneck past spills

We came back, but we never recovered
We always reminded ourselves of each other
And the drama queen yawns, watches soaps, shags her pawns
With her friendlist-only facebook smile

And her golden heart spent to pay the rent
And watch her porch's paint dry
But that there'd be no tears we had agreed upon in the lease
Just some Auster angst to pass the time
Oh, pass my time...

Kryptonite Monologues

a) Breakfast Cataclysm

A part of where you're going will never leave your past
The last song I'll be knowing might reach your heart at last
Smothered in surmise your homochiral voice
A century forgotten, a Moebius strip of choice

I wondered through your love, I wondered where the sun can't go
I found out about your loss, I found out what you do not know

In the souls of your fires I was born to be blind

Damp last stands with hifi warcries
Gristly treason's nubile smiles
A niggling kiss for compensation
Junkfood hugs of compromise

Happy end of all forevers
Mutual blanks with bleary eyes
Caught in low-carb revelations
PG16 dramatized

Through your bloodshot eyes one last woe
Hold me like a star
(Right on the wall, all of this is gone)

Schroedinger's cat in need of a vet
Fuzzy logic dependencies
Pinstriped dreams
Wildcard schemes

Plughole ascention, burnout detention
Globalized passion in-mufti possession
Mirrored down in the blink of an eye of the needle
that stings through your sighs

Let me tell you about...
Jaywalk suspension, jetlagged aggression
Daydream attention, callgirls compassion
Just hold on tight to the thought that just someday you might
(turn the tide, see the light, end the strife, walk the line?)

Highspeed hustings chores
Wholesale widescreen bore
Myspace tubestream whore
Worldview carnivore
Watch, want, buy, adore
Rotten to the centre of the core

b) Borrowed Time

And so the dragon died
All kingdoms pacified
So little time

But they're not listening anymore
Algernoning life like stardust on your floor

c) The End of a World

Dream of the cold
The silence of the ages
But hold on: Life remembers you

It's not regret
It's just a heartfelt memory
That keeps you up
A candlelight to hush

But sail above the chaos, dreamstate instigator
Pumpgun aphorisms chastened in decay
Lies like alabaster, meds to make you faster
Procaine redemption plans

And so we'd say goodbye to all we had
And so we'd change our lives and turn our backs

So I bathe in boredom, the pitting rust of brilliance
Thoughtscape aneurism, ornamental pain
The solemn face of kindness fastening my seatbelts
Autobahning lifeline aims

And then it hit me all at once
The hijacked dream of childhood
Cancelling my last dance

Plagiarized rejection, masterplans of mayhem
Isolationistic peace
A lovesong in a morsecode, subjugated rainbow
Playwright masturbation, burnout suffocation

And so we said goodbye to all we had
And so we burned our lives and tore the shred
Tear it out, scratch it sore, rip it off, burn the core
I will never want you

Claimform wizards lounging through the mornings
Early symptom subsidies apply
Turning over pages, leaving blanks inside our silences
Thumbing through the teardrops of last night

Early mornings baptized in spilled coffee
Toothbrush paces metronoming light
Dream of the cold
The silence of the ages
Our peaces to hold to find out who cares less

(We're out of teaspoons, go buy some bread
Get out the garbage, tidy the shed)
And so we'd say goodbye...

After all it's all hide and seek, refining our smiles to avoid the guilt
in this soundless massacre
Tonight's shadowplay mocks the words of the day
Your smalltalk gambits accusing me
My remote control habits muting you
Garotting you like the sidekick you are
Stealing your breath to avoid my own
Raping you behind my eyes
Where the sun and the moon are but camera spots
to unveil your secrets and spoil your dreams
as closeup sideshows of flesh and blood

And now your kindness burns a hole into this anarchy
The bonfire that we earned, bereaved beyond all tragedy
So little time to modify the ache that we required
So deaf, so blind - the chillblades on the ashes of the fires

Lost in a lullaby of borrowed time
We know not what we do
Like smalltown children stumbling through the city lights
Like seeds before the rew
So little time to overcome our paramount desires
No fears, no strives - and afterglow of teardrop-laden smiles

And the love that you felt... so unforgiven
Seize the world going round like foodchain dropouts
They're only after me (get out of the way!)
Dream of the cold...
I'm going north just to breathe
Please let me breathe

The Irrelevant Lovesong

Sweetheart of mine
I saved it up
All the time
They say that I lied

Sweetheart of mine
Can you feel the gap
In our lives?
The turn of the tide

All through the nights
Though cold and blind
I shun my fears
But no, I love you not
No, I love you not

Sweetheart of mine
Our dreams subside
Though we hide
We're eaten alive

All through the lies
Though bleak and wild
I hear my fears
And no, I love you not
No, I love you not

Older than I
in a soul far away
Baring its fangs
in a rush of decay

Sweetheart of mine
So, honestly,
there's so little time to justify
So little time to save our lives

Though you plead
And you promise
And you show what you should have
I deny
and remember
And I know what you hide
Behind the teardrop thoughtstorm boulevard

Sweetheart of mine
I've had my say
Still you are mine
A joke of the tides

All through the nights
Though cold and blind
I hold you here
But no, I love you not
No, I love you not


a) Bedhalf Exiles

And now that you love me I'm nothing but bored
Like a toll-free lifeline when tv runs short
Decaffeinated creeds defying mortality
lo-cal romantics dreaming of dreams

Adjacent eternities exuding solutions
For self-acclaimed problems too frail to occur
The joints of our smalltalk croaking with yawns
In flea-ridden mantras to bury the core

Your teamspeak voice blocks my iPod driver
My unrehearsed aggression rips your Facebook daydreams
Rejecting cookies
With feuilleton firewalls

Breakfast roleplay
My laptop altar
Twittered in gold

A scream on a muted line
The echoes of 2nd life crimes
Cheats and walkthroughs

Hoarded lifepoints
Download junkie
All-button mode hero
Resident child

A lightbulb halo on your hairsprayed wisdom
Sophistic agenda in muzak rhymes
We heard it all come tumbling down
(Don't say you never listened)
With highbrow backslash lovesong frowns
(All that is brass-tacks does glisten)

The crackles inside your tin can brain
(The crackles scorn me)
The gurgles from down our high gloss drain
(The gurgles formed me)
They whisper you went tumbling down
(Don't say you never listened)
A heather hornbeam rock rose clown
(All that is gold does not glisten)

We rummage in our cage (like disturbed bloodflow)
Heaving down the rage (of tattoed gore)
Love all that remains (your chiptray smiles)
A wolf without the gate (the splinter in our eyes)

A nightsky of long-forgotten colours (like grey on gray)
is opening our hearts (for some redefined, yet irrelevant)
high hope fundamentals like guile, deceit and grieve
Oh could we just let it be

And live the life that scares us (so fragile in our minds)
In uppercut precision (in semi-proofread lines)
Be careful what you long for (the undiscovered lie)
A lich of style and comfort (a song is all but safe)

Save our souls
Dismantle our bright-eyed hopes
And promise to break our hearts
For none of our oaths could last
With UHT smiles and tamper-proof lies
Remind us of all that we thought lay behind
Dare us to save our souls

The outskirts of wood veneer perfection
Detoxicated grease
Asbestos in the walls of your silence
Asphyxiated needs

We stuffed the gaps with nothing
we got a lifelong guarantee
not even nihilism understands me
Too bashful to listen

Save our souls
And guard all the doors we closed
And promise to stake our hearts
Lest one of our oaths could last
Cross out the starlight and rip off the sun
Squeeze out the marrow of all that we've done
Help us to save our souls

And though I know
The colours left our lives
And all we'll be
Is bedhalf exiles' prides
An eye for an eye
The carnage of kiss
We will never be free again
From the lifetimes we missed

So save our souls...
save our souls

I crave for the moonlight to open your eyelids
Drift through the memory of breathing your heartbeats
Long for the comfort that speaks through your touches
Dream of the nights when we hid from death's clutches

Bring back the starshine that strengthened our whispers
Dust off the nightsky that softened your kisses
Fold out the forests that guarded our nights
Dig out the future that broke when you died

(All I feel, all I know, all I am, all seeds I sow)
In the life that I remember now there's no need for me
And a song is all I'll ever recall to make you see
The soul that I was haunted by...
Will you come down to all that you loved?

(Done with those poems of dull ever after
Offline and downside with bedside disasters
Ripped off the crops of the teardrops foreseen)

b) The Stand

From the stardust that we fled
From the dawn of second thoughts
In a rear view mirror lifeline
Came the pinstripe alibis

When we conquer who we bore
What we cancel and ignore
In the chants of budget lifestyles
Came the bluntness of denial

The passion of a dream like an accidental colour
Painting your ghost across the years
Ornamental tears in your lipsticked hairspray palace
Blending your voice into my fears

So much left to whisper when the words retired from sound
The brushstroke optimism in a carnival of doubts
The winter sun remembers how the snow preserved the embers
Of all we could have asked for
Of all we could have done (so wrong)

And so we slide
Through blogs and talkshows
The headline hunters

Our bookshelf wallpapers
Our diet coke diapers
Our instant thoughts

Look at you now

And though I promised
I still despise you
And though I swore
I'll always fight you

And when I die
I'll still remember
The taped-up mouths
Of those who tried

To save this world
From keyword wisdom
Timetable freedom
And rummage courses

From slave to master?
Bologna poverty
The skim-scan babble
The tick-off needs

Wish by spirit in the gardens
Hold my hand in Bristol Street
Earth's old weary cries to hearken
(And so I love you
for what it's worth)
Through our kisses of conceit
(And thus I'm near you
in all our words)

Don't you say you understand
You'll never even see it
Lost in Focus Money augury
Write it on the walls, they said
Paint it on the streets
But you cannot even watch or read

All your orchestras and glances
All your workflow theories

Lost in plans and so-called chances
Borne from brainstroke industries

And so we said we'd never leave our children in your gout-struck hands
And so agreed to fight pandemic psychoanorexia

We did swear to take all last stands against the reign of figures and of fame
We'd ignore your siren songs of the misused Smith clone supermen
So this is the last defense line, so this is our final curse
So all you hordes of cashflow wizards and berserks of the revenue
We're at war
This is war

Against psychoanorexia
Fight our psychoanorexia
Fight our psychoanorexia
prescription and therapy:
some bits and pieces concerning psychoanorexia

the aftermath of silence

the idea behind event horizon sunset is to get the listener back into the setting again: it's my "our story so far". it might prove worthwhile to try and figure out the samples i included - it took ages to find the correct words all over the internet...

the idea that really started my work on this album, is now part of this track, i.e. the last day of summer. i created this spacy guitar sound and somehow the riff just came with it. although this might as well be the most simplistic song i have ever created, i like it a lot: i like the inbetweenness of it, and i think of it not so much as bittersweet as of happysad. the last day of summer rounds up a theme that was started with do not come back on naive and continued in faith on voices as well as in phantom pain scars on anti-matter poetry. does that make sense to anyone but me?

the stone-white sky goes back to a friendship that had to end. i always found that the ends of friendship felt a lot more tragic than the ends of love affairs, because they seemed all the more unnecessary. but maybe that is rubbish, and when lifelines split, it is rather like continental drift: on the one hand you will not realize it until it is too late, on the other hand there would have been nothing you could have done against it anyway.

the kryptonite monologues turn the tide: melancholy and sorrow turn into rage and sarcasm. i hope you figured out the deep, deep irony behind my personal operette settings: the choirs were hell to arrange and record, i can tell you. as irony is defined as a status of grave difference between connotational meaning and denotational meaning, it can only work at its best, if the denotational part ("that what is *really* there") is set as perfectly as possible: hence, e.q., loriot's or monty python's comical principle. i always considered comedy as the most difficult genre, so it took a lot of courage to go and try, whether my sarcastic operette might work out.

however, the storyline did not give me much of a choice anyway: this is about coffee stain apocalypses, the deadly sins of householding and husbandry and, of course, the black holes of smalltalk gambits. ted hughes put it down a bit more violently, but i guess teddy and me, we were thinking of the same thing

the irrelevant lovesong then gives up the last resorts of hypocrisy and tv aspirin: this is why we're still together, it says, because. this lyric was not meant to be a song, initially, but then i started arranging and rehearsing some tunes for my live appearance in oldenburg (9/28/12) - and it just dropped out of my piano and filled a gap that i had not managed to fill  before.

psychoanorexia, then, explores the reasons of this decay, and is furious and unfair and immature and boasting and aggressive and cruel and maniac and ambitious and frustrated about them. this is the most political song i, who has ever had the creed that politics and art should not mix (at least not with an obvious message!), have ever done. but i still think that german educational politics is so overwhelmingly stupid at the moment and destroys so much of what german thinkers fought for in hard and long revolutions and discussions and tractats... it even subdues our private emotions, this song states. i don't want to say too much about this here, but "from slave to master? bologna poverty:  timetable freedom and rummage courses" is exactly this: how can you ever dare call yourself a master of anything if you have been enslaved in your studies and explorations by timetables and the like? how can you, if you take humboldt into consideration, ever become truly human if la bildung is nothing more than a leaflet that tells the economy how well you can function in their treadmill?

we need to rethink all this or we will lose everything that our culture and tradition gave us.